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San Francisco, Ca, United States
I'm on the left, Andrew is in the middle and my partner Ed is on the right. My partner and I met in October 1993 and have been together ever since. Our son Andrew graced us with his presence on Christmas Eve 2007.

Aging Parents

Fatherhood Friday at Dad Blogs
Ed, Me and Andrew


Uncle Robby and Godson Andrew

Cuz Brandon and Andrew

Mom at 75

Me and My Best Friend Rob

Rob

Mom and Me

Grandma and Andrew

Grandma and Andrew

Uncle Robby and Andrew



My Aunt and Andrew


We took a little trip to San Diego for the long 4th of July weekend. We really had a great time. Andrew had his first experience in a swimming pool and to our surprise was not afraid at all. He really enjoyed being submerged in the water. He was able to hang out with Grandma, and his Uncle Robbie (my best friend) as well as some extended family.

We celebrated my mom's 75th birthday. She looks great! She is still very strong and mobile.
We were having a great visit at my Cousin's place and were all sitting in the living room watching my son play with his 2 1/2 year old cousin. My mom came into the living room and looked at me and said "When did you come in?". I said "What?" and started laughing. She said "I didn't see you come in". I got up and said "Mom, I drove you here to Cousin's house". I stood up in disbelief. When I walked toward her she said, "oh, Paul, I thought you were Cousin (insert name)". I looked at my Aunt and we connected eyes. I took my Aunt aside and she told me these sort of things were happening. Not often but enough to know it could potentially get worse.

I speak to my mom maybe twice per week and I never noticed this. My Aunt said she will be going with my mom to the doctor on July 23rd (normal check up) and mention this to the doctor.

There were two instances where this disconnect took place during our weekend trip. The rest of the time she was alert.

When I thought of my mom getting older, my biggest concern was losing her. How one day she would no longer be in my physical world. I was not concentrating on the possible developments of dementia or senility and how that would also affect our lives. It makes me so concerned...and now I'm calling her every day.

It also made me reflect on my son and his soon to be little sister. I want to make sure my partner and I will minimally affect their lives as we become older. Then, my brain thought, who will leave this earth first?..my partner or me?. How will we go?...Then I tell myself, STOP! Live in the here and now and prepare for the future.

18 comments:

BellaDaddy said...

AH, so true...the here and now. And, I called my Mom every day too, once realizing what was truly going on in her world.

Kudos!

BellaDaddy said...

Hey, seriously, come on down...sans the 300+. Although, feel free to bring some Chickem-Pork Adobo ;-)

PJ Mullen said...

I understand what your saying. After my little health scare last year I got my act together and got life insurance and we are in the process of putting together wills. My wife hates it when I bring these topics up, but the planner in me can't ignore it. I love every minute I spend with my son - ok, maybe not the teething, screaming minutes at 3am - and I have to think of him. Life is funny that way.

Janie Woods said...

I lost my mom to breast cancer 13 years ago at the age of 65. For the last year of her life, I called her everyday even after she lapsed into a coma. Enjoy every moment you can with her and take all the pictures you can with Andrew. He'll appreciate later in life and you'll never regret it.

Oh, and I'm in on the Adobo but I'd prefer pansit....

ciara said...

it's so strange to think about our parents passing. omgosh i feel for you if your mom is going thru something like alzheimer's. just take each moment that you can with her.:)

my brother said he went to visit my gma (dad's adoptive mom) and she didn't know anyone at all. i felt so bad and a lot of guilt cos i have not kept in contact w her for years. prob thx to my dad screwing things up w her. ugh!

anyways, yeah, don't get yourself into a place where you're not even at now. enjoy the here & now...enjoy the little ones. i'm w belladaddy we need some chicken/pork adobo. yum! i'm hungry now. oooo i'm w guns even more, bring on the pancit!

Otter Thomas said...

A loved one losing mental capacity has to be one of the hardest things to endure. I hope your mom is ok. Living in the here in now is great advice. Worrying never accomplishes anything.

-Justin said...

Absolutely, live in the now. Cherish every moment. There's no reason to fret or worry, that'll just make YOU sick. Stay strong, and be the best son/father you can possibly be!

The Devoted Dad said...

M2D- your questions are well recieved because I often ask these same questions in my head. My remedy is 2 fold. I too say stop and live in the now, and second, not to get all religious and sentimental on you M2D, but I believe that there is a God who loves us all. It is so hard to explain how dementia and senility are part of a plan, and I don't have the answers to that. I do know that we all have a purpose, and to love to be loved is one of them. -Jason

whatnowdad said...

Great post...but you are making me think too much!!! Stop it!

surprised mom said...

I feel you have to live in the here and now, because the future isn't a guarantee. I've learned this through life experience. My dad just turned 75. He has dementia and is in a wheelchair. He has good days and bad days. But I always greet him with a cheerful "Hi Dad!" just so he knows it's one of his daughters. You can't cry for long, you have to adjust.
I lived through this before when my Grandma had Alzheimer's. I cried a lot more then losing this woman who gave me so much because I was younger and couldn't get over the unfairness of it all. I've since learned unfair is a fact of life.
I try to call my Mom every day. She's an amazing woman and I love her to pieces.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Glad you were able to snap out of it. It's hard not to think about what the future holds. But you're right let's all live in the moment and enjoy each other while we can.

seashore subjects said...

It is lucky that you have family near your mom that will keep you posted on her progress and doctor's reports. I think it is easier for people to let a peer know everything that is going-on than it is for them to let a child. (at least this seemed to be the case when my mother-in-law was sick)

Wonderful pics. Looks like you had a good time!

Smallprint said...

Looks like fun - great that fun was had in the pool - added benefit that it tires the wee ones out well too!

Sorry to hear of the health concerns for you mom - hopefully the visit to the Dr will put minds at rest.

Thanks

Mark

Jason said...

It looks like you had a great time! I have to echo everyone else by saying live in the here and now. Enjoy every moment of life!

Living It, Loving It said...

Correct, you can only live in the moment. My husband is 15 years older than me. I thought about that before I married him, I thought about after I married him, and I think about it quite often. We have 11 mo. old (a surprise), a 9 year old and a 19 year old (my stepson). I want him to be around for my 11 mo. old like he was for his brothers, so it scares me. All you can do is live for the moment. I lost my dad when I was 19, he was only 53 years old and I never stop missing him and it has been well over 14 years since he moved on. All we can do is enjoy the time we have here on earth together and then be patient, depending on our belief systems, there is some kind of afterlife.

BTW- your blog is part of my Follow Friday post. http://ohboy-boys.blogspot.com/2009/07/follow-friday-3-three-blogs-i-have.html

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Just found your blog. I hope your mom had a good appt yesterday. It's so tough watching parents get older. It's nice that there's family so close to attend appointments with her.

Cute photos!

JennyMac said...

Absolutely cute pics. What a precious little boy!

natalee said...

Paul..I love love love your blog... I am now in blog love with you.(dont tell Ed and I wont tell my husband Bill..LOL!!!)..First I want to say that Andrew will train.. He'll be fine.. I swear I thought my oldest would go to college in pullups.. Please visit me.. natalee http://totmama.blogspot.com/

 

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