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San Francisco, Ca, United States
I'm on the left, Andrew is in the middle and my partner Ed is on the right. My partner and I met in October 1993 and have been together ever since. Our son Andrew graced us with his presence on Christmas Eve 2007.

Stop, I Wanna Get Off This Ride!

Fatherhood Friday at Dad Blogs
Over the last two days, the birth mom has had some health challenges. At 5 1/2 months pregnant with Emily she had some serious bleeding and her water broke.
Little Emily did not make it through. It was a sad day for all of us.
Being with the birth mom on every appointment and seeing Emily develop each time was incredible. Each appointment made it feel more and more real that we were going to have a baby sister for our son Andrew.
This experience was truly like a roller coaster with incredible ups and some serious down falls. We look at this as our only shot. We had not originally planned to have a second child. When the birth mom of Andrew told us she was pregnant again, we instantly thought yes, we will have a second child. But, that's it, we are done. We won't be jumping on any more rides like this one unless it's at a real amusement park and our son Andrew is sitting between us.

In my heart and mind I say, "Emily, I was prepared and ready to love you and protect you. It's funny to say that I miss you, but I do. I heard your strong heart beat, I saw you tumble and move in side your mom. I could have sworn you even waved at me. I pray that you have moved on to heaven and will look over your big brother and know we loved you with all our hearts."

37 comments:

ciara said...

i'm so sorry, paul. my thoughts are with you all. xo

Joeprah said...

Paul, you have my prayers and I understand in some way what it means to lose someone who could have been. I feel for you.

Apok said...

:(

Kathrin said...

I am so sorry.

surprised mom said...

Oh Paul, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rob said...

WOW, I am sooooo sorry and my thoughts are with you guys.

2momswithaplan said...

I am so sorry to hear about Emily. My thoughts and prayers are with you two and with the bio mom. Losing a child, even when it hasn't been born into the world yet, is very hard to deal with. Rest in peace, dear Emily.

Caroline said...

I am so sorry.

Smallprint said...

You guys must be completely devastated. That is horrible news.

Thoughts and prayers with you all at this time.

Mark

Brian H said...

Rally around each other.

So sorry to hear about this.

You guys will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Matthew said...

I am so truly sorry to hear about this. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Jason said...

Paul, I'm so sorry for you. I know how excited you were. You'll be on my mind and in my prayers.

PJ Mullen said...

Paul my heart is breaking for you. You, your family and the birth mother are in my family's thoughts and prayers.

BellaDaddy said...

We are with you, in spirit...please know, we are sending HUGE HUGS and vast amounts of LOVE to your family!

Daddy Files said...

Damn Paul...I'm sorry. Really sorry. Give Andrew an extra tight hug and keep your chin up. A whole bunch of us are thinking of you...

Laurel said...

Much love and prayers to you three boys and to your precious birthmother.

xo

NZ Toomeys said...

My heart goes out to you both.

In New Zealand we say Kia Kaha (it's an offer of strength to you all)

Janie Woods said...

Oh hon...I'm so sorry...Prayers and love are flowing your way. You are always in my thoughts but especially now.

Anonymous said...

REALLY SORRY TO HEAR THIS PAULIE, GIVE ED MY BEST. EMILY IS IN OUR HEARTS ALWAYS OK. MUCH LOVE FROM UNCLE ROB

WeaselMomma said...

I am so sorry and know you are heartbroken. I know that you love Emily and it's only normal that you would miss her.

Stephen said...

Very sad. This is one of the reasons my agency does not match up birthmothers with adoptive families until later in the pregnancy. My heart goes out to you.

Bobby said...

Oh my I'm so sorry for you guys. I can't imagine it. We are thinking of you all.

Anonymous said...

I just started following your lovely blog and was so sorry to read about Emily. So very sorry.

Melisa with one S said...

Oh Paul! I am so sorry.

((((HUGS))))

birthmothertalks said...

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel. Poor Andrew would have made a great big brother. How Sad!!

Jenny said...

I'm incredibly sorry to hear this sad news. My condolences to you all.

Ross, Dani and Elle Thompson said...

Oh dear, tears well up as I comment on this very sad post. My heart goes out to you and Ed, as well as prayers for baby Emily. All our love is with you.

The Devoted Dad said...

I am saddened for you both. A child is a child, and the commitment that you made to Emily was real! I am sorry for your loss. -Jason

Teacher Tom said...

I'm sorry.

((((((((Paul)))))))))

Scott (simplefather) said...

I have nothing special to add, and really wouldn't know what to say. So I just join in the chorus of supporters and say you're in my prayers.

Living It, Loving It said...

I am sorry to hear this. You are in my prayers, but whatever you do, do not give up on your quest to have another child. You two are amazing fathers and Andrew is proof of that.

Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you guys and your family.

Chantelle & Cyndi our life said...

Oh my, we are so sorry. I read your blog awhile back so this was all news to us. We will be thinking of you. Our prayers are with you and your beautiful family.

Parental Chaos said...

I am sorry I am late to this post and I am sorry to hear about your loss. You sweet baby girl is in heaven watching over you all knowing how much she was already loved.

I know your hurt right now and want nothing more with the crazy ride called life but keep your hearts open. Heaven needed another beautiful angel and I am sure will send one your way to love and care for again.

Rachel said...

I'm sorry that I didn't read this post until now. I am so sorry. There is nothing harder in this world than the loss of a child.

Daddy Times Two said...

I am very sorry for your loss.

Martie said...

Paul and Ed, my condolences. I began reading your blog today and have finished it tonight at 10:42PM. Your story is full of love, patience and understanding. Andrew is so lucky to have 2 Daddies who love him so very much. Know you are in my thoughts.

 

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