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San Francisco, Ca, United States
I'm on the left, Andrew is in the middle and my partner Ed is on the right. My partner and I met in October 1993 and have been together ever since. Our son Andrew graced us with his presence on Christmas Eve 2007.

Fatherhood Friday #4


Well this post is my weekly tribute to Fatherhood Friday:

WHERE ARE MY OLD FRIENDS

Well folks, since having our son, friends have made a drastic shift. At first, everyone came over to visit our new arrival with gifts and cards, but then we began to see less and less of them. Now, it's almost non-existent. We have some new friends, the circle is MUCH smaller. They are parents, fathers and mothers of children.

Why has this changed?..I mean, I know our lives changed but these people I thought of were good friends. Did I change?...I know my life changed, my priorities. Does this in some way reflect that I am not as devoted to my old friends?

It's weird how this happens. When I was single, (recollection: oh yes, the days of being a single young man in san francisco), I had a sort of large circle of friends. Then I met my better half and my set of friends shifted a little. Then we had a baby and my friends completely changed.

I tell my partner, "Geez, what happened to so and so, we used to hang out all the time...He never calls" My other half said, "You probably never call either". I used to call about 50% of the time...and now I don't. It's not them, it's me. So as a little test, starting this weekend, I am going to make some calls, invite these old friends over the house. I'm going to give my 50% back and see if it is enough to survive the friendships I miss so much. I gave myself one very important rule.
*Don't just talk about my son (I tend to do that, since basically he is my life).

11 comments:

Jason said...

it's really hard. We've had kids, our friends have had kids and we never talk or see each other. I totally feel ya. If it weren't for Myspace or Facebook we'd never know what was going on in each others lives.

Isabella said...

I gave myself one very important rule.
*Don't just talk about my son (I tend to do that, since basically he is my life).


Let us know how that goes...this is one I really struggle with when talking to kidless friends.


Happy Fatherhood Friday!

Otter Thomas said...

I think it goes that way for everybody. I have very little time for anything but family anymore. Good luck reconnecting.

Two Moms With A Plan said...

I agree with pp... it's just the way things go when you have a baby. That saying, "Having a baby changes everything" is very true! I hope it goes well this weekend. Good Luck!

New-Dad-Blog said...

My friends give me crap "You never call anymore" Hey last time I checked the phone works both ways. . .

I think people think you're always busy now. Which for us isn't true. The kid sleeps like 20 hours a day.

PJ Mullen said...

Unfortunately this is the way of the world. When I do manage to get together with friends that don't have kids I find that I don't have a whole lot to say anymore.

Besides, your little guy is adorable and it must be hard not to brag on about him.

Rob said...

It is hard and I hope your friends realize your child in now the main focus of your life. I have 3 kids and they and my wife come first and if my friends do not understand that then they are not the friend I thought they were.

john said...

I remember during MAPP classes, we were told that our friends wouldnt be around as much. Of course, being gay, our friendships are like family, so we really didnt think it would apply to us.
well, guess what? I totally relate to your post. we actually made it even more diffucult by movingg out of the city into the surburbs.

ciara said...

i know exactly how this feels. when i got pregnant with my son i was 19 almost 20. my friends got weird. that's when i found out who my true friends were. whatever. i don't have friends now mostly by choice. i'm too damned picky! lol

WeaselMomma said...

We all go through this. It's just the lifestyle change of parenting. Phone calls should start the ball rolling but you will never again hang out with the frequency that you used to. Real friends though will pick right up again right where you left off every time you see them.

ShankRabbit said...

I think it's because it suddenly becomes uncomfortable. Friend's like to emotionally be there for other friends, and when you have a child and they don't, there is a whole huge world that they just can't understand.

It's natural I think. Look fondly on the friendship you had, and enjoy the new ones you're getting.

 

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