Well this post is my weekly tribute to Fatherhood Friday:
WHERE ARE MY OLD FRIENDS
Well folks, since having our son, friends have made a drastic shift. At first, everyone came over to visit our new arrival with gifts and cards, but then we began to see less and less of them. Now, it's almost non-existent. We have some new friends, the circle is MUCH smaller. They are parents, fathers and mothers of children.
Why has this changed?..I mean, I know our lives changed but these people I thought of were good friends. Did I change?...I know my life changed, my priorities. Does this in some way reflect that I am not as devoted to my old friends?
It's weird how this happens. When I was single, (recollection: oh yes, the days of being a single young man in san francisco), I had a sort of large circle of friends. Then I met my better half and my set of friends shifted a little. Then we had a baby and my friends completely changed.
I tell my partner, "Geez, what happened to so and so, we used to hang out all the time...He never calls" My other half said, "You probably never call either". I used to call about 50% of the time...and now I don't. It's not them, it's me. So as a little test, starting this weekend, I am going to make some calls, invite these old friends over the house. I'm going to give my 50% back and see if it is enough to survive the friendships I miss so much. I gave myself one very important rule.
*Don't just talk about my son (I tend to do that, since basically he is my life).
Fatherhood Friday #4
Grocery Shopping with my 14 Month old
Our son loves to go out. He is always pointing to the door and wants to either go for a car ride, or a stroll to the park.
He is getting faster than ever. Yesterday, I had to go to our local supermarket to pick up a few things. My son hates the seat on the shopping cart and much prefers the large cargo section of the cart.
He stands and loves to look at all the products on the shelves. Unfortunately he loves it so much that now he likes to grab everything in site. I try to search the aisles while going down the middle of the lanes so he can not reach anything, but unfortunately that is just plain rude to the other customers. He grabs apples, oranges, pasta boxes, cereals...anything he can get those cute little fingers on. This makes my quick supermarket stop quite a fiasco. It is obviously much easier if he is in a stroller or buckled down somehow...but I can not push a cart and a stroller.
Yesterday as I was unloading my items at the register, I saw, a tiny stem of squashed grapes, my little angel must have taken from the fruit stand, I found an orange with two puncture holes in it..of course matching the only two teeth my son has in his mouth. The clincher was the sanitary napkins he must have grabbed while I was looking for deodorant.
It is just not feasible to wait for my partner to come and help when I need to do some food shopping.
Come on Moms and Dads...help me out a little. What do you do?
And the Top Award Winners Are:
These are in no particular order.
Those Two Daddies: Funny and honest
http://thosetwodaddies.blogspot.com
Its Daddies Plural: Love looking through their eyes on their adoption experience
http://itsdaddiesplural.blogspot.com
Daddy Times Two: Informative for non-traditional relationships wanting to adopt
http://daddytimestwo.blogspot.com
Birthmom Talks: REAL, HONEST, insightful
http://birthmomtalks.blogspot.com
Birthmom1986-Confessions of: Great insight into the mind of a birth mom
http://birthmom1986-confessionsof.blogspot.com
Mike and Michael: Love this blog..what a cutie Christopher is
http://www.mikeandmichael.info/blog
Laurel blogs: She is such a warm person and truly pulls you in. Great perspective from an adopted child..now adult
http://laurelblogs.blogspot.com
2 moms with a plan This is a very touching blog, I love the writing style.http://2momswithaplan.blogspot.com
Jason and Chad Open Adoption Journey: NEWBIES...Im very excited for our new couple
http://jasonandchadopenadoptionjourney.blogspot.com
10 Honest things about me:
1. I did not know I can love anyone as much as I do my life partner, until I met my son
2. I like to make my own rules on occassion (as you can see not following only top 7 blogs)
3. No one is a better driver than me
4. I'm a terrible shopper, I never look at prices/compare/negotiate
5. I can't understand how my partner could put up with me for over 15 years.
6. I've read all of David Sedaris and Armisted Maupin's books
7. I love quoting movies (Carrie, Color Purple, Steel Magnolias, Mommy Dearest..etc)
8. I am extremely aware of people's reaction when they see my partner, me and our son together.
9. #8 brought me to this next honest fact...We go to church every Sunday
10. I hate talking on the phone, unless I'm talking to my best friend
Development Update
Well, hmm....Where did the time go?. Our son Andrew is just over 13 months. It doesn't seem that we have been parents for over a year already. I have documented and video taped every milestone. Some nights, we watch our son sleeping and I look to my partner and say, "Look how big he is already", and "Can you believe we are Daddies?" and "Can you believe we could potentially be grandparents?"
The experience is way more than we have anticipated. To be able to love someone so unconditionally and that love is immeasurable, so strong that it's impossible to explain in words. I feel honored, grateful, humbled and sooo blessed to have this experience in our life.
I am hopeful that our family (me, my partner, andrew and his birth mom) continue to develop into a strong family unit. You can see in the birth mom's eyes how happy she is to see him. When I see them together, I can't help but feel so happy and take so many pictures. I want Andrew to know his family, his whole family. It will be little (or a lot) harder for him in school as he begins to compare his life to others in his age group. I want him to have a story, a true story that helps define who he is and where he came from to help him to understand and be able explain his unique family to his peers. Of course I would love to protect him from all adversity, but I also want him to learn to deal with this on his own...."That which does not kill you.." you all know the rest. This is why the best I can do is supply him with his truth. I take pictures and videos so he can refer to them privately, when he needs to. My dream is to have his mom so actively involved that she will be a phone call away at all times, she attends his school functions, birthdays, holidays. However; I can't promise that will happen so I'm trying to capture these experiences (as much of them as possible) with pictures, photos, letters. I don't mean to sound selfish or rude when I say what comes next, but I am doing this strictly for our son. No one else, not the birth mom, not my partner nor myself
Development:
Andrew has come such a long way. He is saying "Dada" as he reaches for either me or my partner (the best feeling in the world). The rest of the words he chooses to use have a meaning but they are not a word you would recognize in English. An example would be, he puts things to his hear and says "wow-wow". This means hello and he makes believe to use a telephone. There are so many like this but if you did not know him, you would not know what he was trying to say. I like to call it our secret family codes.
He loves to jump, climb, run and loves being tickled. He has the most infectious laugh . My partner and I are puzzled, although we love music and I actually like to dance, I can not remember ever dancing in front of him. But this kid can move to music. Look for some great video clips of that to be posted soon.
Although he does not use all the vocabulary correctly, he certainly can understand. He knows where his nose, ear and mouth is. He can throw his ball and he will happily get you a book to read with him. His attention span has been growing more and more. He can sit for about 15 minutes with me and watch a cartoon before he begins to get a little bored. I am playing with him each day that exercises his focus. With me, I can play with him with a toy for about 20 minutes. Last month, we would have had to move on to something else after 10 minutes.
Socializing:
There is something wonderful about seeing Andrew with other children. He is drawn to other kids and loves to play with them. We go to the park when I get home from work (weather permitting) and he will walk right up to children (any age) with a big smile on his face. I've caught him many times holding little hands of little girls and trying to give them a hug.
He is a bit more selective when it comes to the bigger person (sometimes they can be called adults). He has a "let me get comfortable with you" time period. If the bigger person is insistent, they could break through in about 15 minutes...but he always watches to see where one of his daddies are. I discovered a play group through our neighborhood's GLTB center, that has supervised play groups. We hope to go there this weekend and check it out.
Our pediatrician told us he can move off the formula and drink regular milk and what ever food we are eating..but Andrew only has one tooth so far and it is in the front on the bottom. He can't really chew solid foods yet. My partner and I decided to continue the formula (one in the morning and one at night) just to make sure he is getting all his vitamins. Then during breakfast, he will eat pancakes or soft cereal. He also likes fruit (oranges, bananas, grapes) for lunch we will give him some veggies that are easy to chew once cooked and some rice. He loves crackers. His favorite are the Pepperidge Farm cheddar goldfish crackers. For dinner, we feed him baby food. His favorite is the Turkey and Veggies but he also likes the Butternut Squash just as much.
He is not very picky eater. He is very interested in the food that me and my partner and I eat. We always share with him and just make sure they are not very big pieces. It's cute to watch him chew....with just one tooth.
We are waiting for the teeth to cut through, but they are stubborn to come out, we are hoping they will pop through soon. He is constantly touching his gums and chewing on his toys and can get a little irritated, so we know he is teething and it's just a matter of time.
Thanks for reading, commenting on our story and sharing yours with us.
Our Third Lunch with Andrew's Mommy
We got there about 11:10am. This time, I had picked out a great Thai Restaurant that was close to her home. Andrew fell asleep on the way there..so when she joined him in the back seat...she just sat and stared at Andrew.
When we got to the Thai place, my partner Ed took Andrew out of the car seat. He immediately stared back at his mommy.
During the lunch he sat between me and mommy. He watched every move she made as if he was in awe. She played with him and kissed him..and took him around the restaurant. We took some pictures at the restaurant and outside. It was a beautiful day.
Andrew's Mommy
Andrew's mommy called us to give us her new cell phone number. It has changed several times and usually I have to try to find her, but THIS time she called me to tell me her new number. What wonderful progress.
We are taking her out to lunch this saturday at 11:30. I'm excited for her to see Andrew because he now has two teeth and has reached some exciting milestones. I will take tons of pictures during our lunch together. We are going to a thai restaurant close to where she is staying.
I know Andrew's mommy will be soo happy to see Andrew and I can't wait to capture the moment with lots of pictures and maybe even a video clip.
I am most excited about this because there is some true progress here. Our communication with Andrew's mommy is becoming more and more frequent and now it is initiated by all of us.
Andrew's Trip to the Philippines
14 hours there and 11 hours returning. Andrew slept for 10 hours each way. When he was awake he was in great spirits. No horror stories. He adjusted easily to the time change in the Philippines, however since we have returned he is struggling with his internal clock. Here are some pictures of our new home in the Philippines as well as some pics of Andrew at his first year birthday.
Andrew and Daddies at Jollibee
Birthday party at Jollibee
THREE CAKES???!
OOPS
It's a long day
Our home in Philippines
Our town in Philippies
Auntie Jinky
Lola Alice
After first Haircut
